That Wednesday, he went to his
singles’ group at church and expressed his loneliness to his accountability
partner. “I want to find a wife—someone I can trust and care for and who will
care for me. I’m looking, but I just don’t see anyone who is right for me.”
Adam’s accountability partner, who just so happened to be the singles’ pastor
at his church, listened, but was unsympathetic. “Adam, if you want to find a
wife, you have to take the initiative. As a Christian man, you have to pursue the
woman. God made you to be the stronger sex and to initiate relationships. That’s
why you’re still single. If you would just man up, you could be in a
relationship right now.”
Adam listened, took his mentor’s
words to heart, and the very next Sunday, asked Mary to have lunch with him.
Mary was cute, cheerful, had a servant’s heart, and loved God deeply. But it
was obvious that he and Mary weren’t even remotely compatible. He could see
that any further relationship between them would end in disaster, so he quietly
broke things off with her.
When his mother heard the news,
she was upset. She and Mary had been close. Adam’s mother called him and
accused him of being too picky. “You’re never going to find a woman who meets
all of your qualifications. Don’t think of it as settling! It’s called making a
choice, Adam. I’d like to see some grandchildren before I die. I’m not getting
any younger, you know.” Adam hung up, feeling guilty and lonelier than ever.
Later that week, he met an old
college friend for coffee. Adam shared his struggles with loneliness and
expressed how hard it was to meet Christian women. “Dude,” his friend said, “I
met Sadie,” his girlfriend of seven months “on ChristianMingle.com. I posted my
profile, got thousands of hits, went on dates every weekend for months, then
met Sadie. I’m pretty sure she’s ‘the one,’ you know? We just click.”
Sadie was beautiful as well as a
godly woman, so Adam went home, and made his profile—MadeofMud0001—and began
setting up dates. He found plenty women who were interested in dating him, but
the more he dated, the more desperate he felt. After the fourth one dumped him,
saying, “I just feel like God is telling me I shouldn’t date you anymore. I’m
pretty sure you’re not my Boaz,” Adam quit the whole thing and deleted his
profile (they kept spamming his email for months after that).
Discouraged and downtrodden, Adam
went back to his accountability partner. “Nothing’s working. I’ve been looking
for a wife for months and I just can’t find anyone I want to spend the rest of
my life with. At this point, heck, I’d settle for a cat!” His accountability
partner was as unsympathetic as he was the first time.
“Adam, you’re so focused
on getting a girlfriend that you’ve neglected your walk with God. Have you been
praying? Reading your bible?”
“Actually, I have—” Adam tried to
interject, for he and God were still walking together in the cool of the
evenings, but his accountability partner ignored him.
“God won’t bring a girlfriend
into your life until you cling to God. In fact, you should trust God to fulfill
your emotional needs. If your relationship with God was right, you wouldn’t be
lonely in the first place. Work on your relationship with him and when you’re
spiritually mature, God will bring you a wife.”
Adam listened, but was
increasingly impatient with the advice he was receiving from the world. That
evening, he told God about the conflicting advice he was getting from his
friends and family and how nothing seemed to be taking away his loneliness.
“You know, Adam,” God replied, after thoughtfully considering everything Adam
told him, “I’ve noticed this problem too, and I think you’re right: it’s not
good for you to be alone. Let me tell you what I’ve got in mind...”
Adam slept and when he woke up,
it was good.
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